i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
