***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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