Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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