Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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