i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
