Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize