I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
