omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just tell him i said nine months
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
