This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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