We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
