Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
