Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
