If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
