if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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