bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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