I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
