every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
