There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
