It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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