In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
