I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize