Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
