Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you traded sex for a burrito?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
