you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
