there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
