She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize