Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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