I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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