i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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