I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
