dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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