she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
