You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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