There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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