We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
