Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize