nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
