Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize