i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
