This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
