I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
