What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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