My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
