I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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