yo everyone went to the hospital last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
