Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
