i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
