i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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