It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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