Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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