Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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