His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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