I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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