so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
