i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
