Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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