Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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