# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize