Quick, to the slutcave!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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