lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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