my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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