I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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