i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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