thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
