I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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