Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
