If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
