so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
